I have custard issues. It’s not that I dislike it horribly (though it can, on occasion develop a bit of a skin that screams I am bad! I defy you to eat me and not get a tummy ache!), it’s that it brings back memories. Memories of my own personal actor’s nightmare.

See, I was doing this production of The Actor’s Nightmare, go figure, when custard reared its ugly head. Let me explain: For those who don’t know the Christopher Durang play, it’s like this. A man with the unlikely name of George Spelvin is thrust on stage, sans script, sans costume, sans any notion whatsoever of where he is and is told he’s “going on” in a short number of minutes. Going on to what, George wonders, and soon finds out that he’s Hamlet and it’s opening night. Or maybe it’s Noel Coward’s Private Lives and he’s Elyot, or it’s Beckett’s Endgame, and he has to act while sitting in a garbage can. No matter, because soon enough it’s on to the execution scene in A Man For All Seasons, and George (as Sir Thomas More) has his head on the chopping block.

Now in the script, George’s fellow actors have gathered around him, all save for Dame Ellen Terry, who is still in Endgame mode, eyes out front, up to her neck in a garbage can. The actress now playing Thomas’ mother enters, carrying a custard, uttering the line “I’ve brought you a custard, Thomas.” Thomas thanks his mother (or some such) and she stands there, holding custard and spoon, until the moment the executioner swings his axe and the lights go out.

In my own personal actor’s nightmare, it goes more like this:

Thomas’ mother enters: “I’ve brought you a custard,” she says and stumbles slightly causing the custard to fly up into the air and land, face down on the stage in front of the gathered cast. She gasps, then giggles. Fellow cast members attempt to say their lines, then giggle. Then laugh. Then, along with the audience, guffaw most horribly.

All except me. Why? No sense of humor? Nah. It’s because I’m Ellen freaking Terry, stuck in the garbage can out front and I don’t see a damned thing.

So here I am – attempting to be the best straight man the Theater of the Absurd has to offer – in character even, eyes out front, never a glance behind to see what the hell is going on, uttering my lines with the straightest face I can muster, and in a garbage can no less – and just upstage of me we’ve got the entire Roman Legion from the Bigus Dickus scene in Life of Brian, all because of a CUSTARD.

Is it any wonder I am scarred for life?

Now, Chopper assures me that my playing the straight man probably generated even more laughter from the audience. Not that this is any consolation. In fact, it could provoke me to shun custard all the more. But, because this is Sugar High Friday, and the theme is indeed custard, I will allow him to play. Provided he does it away from home.

Fortunately, on that score, we’re in luck. Chopper’s been patisserie guy at the restaurant for a while now, and today is the perfect day for him to make another rendition of his successful dessert special, Bread and Butter Pudding. And this isn’t just any bread and butter pudding. It’s a brandy-soaked concoction with home (or rather restaurant) made brioche. The recipes for pudding and brioche are Chopper’s adaptations from recipes in Professional Baking by Wayne Gisslen (4th edition). And because this is for a restaurant, it’s a big recipe. We’re talking 18 by 34 by 4 inch hotel pan here, and enough tasty goodness for eighteen rather sizable portions.

For many more custards, check out the Sugar High Friday Round-up!

This entry was posted on Friday, September 16th, 2005 at 10:38 pm and is filed under food blogging events, recipes, sugar high friday. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.