Now, I could tell long, agonizing stories of food photos gone horribly wrong, but instead I think I’ll just let the photos tell their story. A story (with brief, out-of-focus interludes) of what it’s like to be the photographer when someone else is doing the cooking…

… Whoa. Okay, okay, we’re not really going to cook penguin. They’re too cute and fluffy, and honestly where is one supposed to find penguin meat on this short notice? …

… Come to think of it, this entire blog should be about me. In fact… that’s it. Tonight, when she’s fast asleep, I’m taking over the computer, learning Photoshop, and designing a new logo. Here’s a sneak preview. Shhhh. Don’t tell. …

Wait a sec. I’ve got that cool Cuban oregano I brought up from Portland. Now where did I leave that pot?

Uhhhh…. whoops. …

What’s this about The Cat taking over the blog?

Aw, never mind that… Snooooooooow!

… I’ve got a secret to tell you: There’s a UFO hidden in my best friend’s barn.

Actually, that’s not my secret, it’s Vernon Dunham’s secret and I’ll get to Vernon in just a moment. My secret is this: When I’m not doing the food blogging thing, I’m doing the genre fiction thing. …

What is this year’s A Menu for Hope? It’s the international food blogging community’s campaign to raise money for earthquake relief in Pakistan. October’s devastating earthquake in Kashmir registered 7.6 on the Richter scale and the death toll stands near 87,000 with another 80,000 injured and 3.3 million left homeless. …

…Oh, wait. I got it. I’m going to talk about something else, something more important. It’ll be the heartwarming moment at the end of the show, you know, like when the kid turns to the camera and says, “but most of all today I learned that cuttlefish have feelings too, and if you chop their heads off to eat them, their tentacles will retaliate and drag you down to a watery grave.”

Dude, that is so heartwarming. …

… Meanwhile, Chopper’s moved on to the fridge contents and his latest food preservation discovery: pickled eggs. He made a couple jars of these babies back in November and they turned out quite good. Chopper tells me the eggs need to sit in a cold, dark environment for three weeks before they’re ready. After that, they can keep for quite a while — so long as the storage stays consistent. …

… Well, it’s like this. It’s midnight before first frost and I’m reading, and the plot thickens and then it thickens some more, and then more after that, and then it’s two thirty in the morning and Chopper asks what happens next, and I check the next chapter title and I tell him, and he says, Hagrid’s back! You have to keep reading! …