Weekend Cat Blogging #78: Extra! Extra! Angry Cat Sits on Newspaper!
A curious thing happened this past Wednesday. A newspaper appeared on our front porch. How odd. My human captors don’t have a subscription to the local daily. Did it belong to the neighbor? Was it a gift? A hint, perhaps, that the papers under my catbox need replacing on a more frequent basis?
Now me, being a cat and not caring much for human news, ignored the paper’s first arrival. On Thursday, the paper came again. This was definitely not a mistake. Someone wanted my captors to read. And my captors, being the messy humans they are, left sections of the paper on various easily accessible locations around the house providing me with multiple informative sitting opportunities (because, of course, we all know the old joke about why us cats sit on newspapers: we read with our butts).
This is all fine and dandy and all rather tedious (not once was the paper left open to a pet advice column or the latest Garfield) until yesterday. Until they left the paper open to this:
Does that fine specimen of felinity look familiar? Well it should.
Yes. It’s me. I’m in the paper, and if I interpret correctly the general rantings and ravings that ensued after the discovery of my published state, my captors knew absolutely nothing about it!
Indeed, my catnip fund is woefully empty.
Now, this photo (which — oh the irony — involved me fending off paparazzi whilst communing with my favorite herb-laced crumply paper) accompanies an inexplicably feline prelude to a brief notice of the Portland Holiday Ale Fest — an event my humans are certain to attend as it is well known in these parts they cannot resist any beverage bearing the name “Sledcrasher.” The prelude begins with an attempted rescue of a cat from under a radiator and ends with, well, beer. Yes, humans are that baffling.
I should note as well, that this piece is featured in the paper’s Arts & Entertainment section, and this week’s cover piece is a Holiday Wired Gift Guide. Oh, the further irony, I say (or should I say o teh ironies?). Humans who are keenly, expertly wired know full well one does not swipe photos from websites to publish in print media! Look, I may just be a cat, but even I know that theft off of other people’s intertubes is just plain wrong!
Which brings me back to that woefully empty catnip fund. I’m thinking I need to do something about this. Contact the paper and ask for something in return. Fleeting fame? Not good enough, buckos. I want remuneration. In fact, I believe I will draft a letter.
There. If that doesn’t work, plan B is already in progress. Here’s a sneak preview:
DEAR SIR OR MADAM,
I AM PLEASE TO BE MAKE YOUR AQUAINTANCE ON MATTER OF UTMOST URGANCE. I AM SOLE PRIOR OF EXPERT OFFSHORE COMPANY SPECIALIZING IN FELINE ACCESSORY OF HIGHEST QUALITY AND I HAVE THE PRIVILEDGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE THE TRANSFER OF 47,000,000 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION) U.S. DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. MY EQUITY HAS BEEN IN SUSPENCE ACCOUNT FOR TEN HUMAN YEARS AND UPON RECEIVING FROM YOU THE SMALL SUM OF 47,000 (FORTY SEVEN THOUSAND) CANS OF PREMIUM CAT FOOD, I CAN GUARANTEE THIS TEN TIMES RETURN ON YOU INVESTMENT RISK FREE AND WITH STRICTEST CONFIDENCE.
FROM THE DESK OF ANGRY CAT
INTERNATIONAL IMPORT/EXPERT DIVISION
SUPREME CAT ACCESSORY MULTICORP
There. About two hundred or so of those ought to do it.
Now, back to my reading. A new paper arrived today and at last one mystery was solved. Wrapped around the paper’s fold, a lime green flyer with the following text: Enjoy your complimentary copies of The Oregonian compliments of The Winter Hawks.
Apparently we have our local WHL hockey team to thank for this week’s curious adventure, (and for my subsequent fortune, thank you very much). Wait. What’s this I hear? My captors are now talking about taking funds they might acquire from the proper sale of my photo and attending a hockey game?
Look, I’m grateful, but I’m not that grateful. Hockey, schmockey! Where’s my catnip? Where’s my gourmet meal? And while I’m at it: Hey, cat stuck under the radiator? What the heck are you thinking? Just plant your butt on the floor vent like I do.
Lots more Weekend Cat Blogging over at The Hidden Paw, and come back next week — Weekend Cat Blogging lucky number 79 will be hosted right here at Belly Timber!
December 2nd, 2006 at 4:47 pm
Ripped off! Pissed off! (Flattered!)
Revenge.
Go for the money.
(And you had the frackin’ decency to blur out the poor pathetic intern’s name. Who did not choose the photo; some page makeup ass did. Bless you.)
Y’know what, I’m gonna go on a bit here: Jeez, they stole from a LOCAL blogger? Like you wouldn’t find out? Also, I’ve swiped pictures off the Netz, but I always try to find ones that aren’t “owned.” Or I credit them. And I’m not making money off my blog, so it’s not a commerce issue. This is good stuff, Miz D.
December 2nd, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Naturally, the above comment was written by my hyperliterate doggie, and I just helped him with punctuation. And then I remembered to change blog identities.
So now I’m me.
Arf.
December 2nd, 2006 at 6:58 pm
Sounds like you have the free newspaper, but you also must try to get money for your empty catnip fund. Go for it and good luck. Thanks for hosting next weekend.
Bonnie In Virginia
December 2nd, 2006 at 7:26 pm
Oh no, they didn’t! That is so tacky! not to mention illegal. In light of that discussion about images and rights and such, this is particularly stupid.
I would just send them a bill. Seriously.
December 2nd, 2006 at 9:25 pm
Hey! What’s a dog doing here? Oh, it’s just Bean Sprout. That’s allowed. Y’know, I don’t think the human who stole the picture knew my humans were local. My humans were awfully slow about changing the location info on the bloggy sidebar.
Bonnie Loves Cats! Best nickname ever. Except mine, of course. Just wait till next weekend.
Kitchenmage, my humans tell me they are open to suggestions on the amount of the bill. I will pass along all worthy notions, though I do need to speak to them about this hockey game nonsense.
December 3rd, 2006 at 4:41 am
My memory of the last picture I sold to a print house was in the mid hundreds, but that was a special sort of deal (went on the cover of my book but as a side thing).
I’d say submit a bill for twice what you’d have asked for the reuse if they had asked (~$500?) with a note explaining that you’re billing at a standard fee since they didn’t bother to arrange a deal up front. Also tell them they get a discount on the next image they BUY before they print it.
December 3rd, 2006 at 7:36 pm
I agree completely that this is just *not fair*, as my fourth graders would say. Bill them, and make it a big bill.
December 3rd, 2006 at 7:52 pm
They’re trying to pull a fast one and you know me, I don’t have time for people who jump the gun.
I love Kitchenmage’s idea, go for it. Who is Kitchenmage anyway? Is she a horse?
December 4th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Big bills are nice. Lots and lots of cat food. Or perhaps I should ask them for a job. How could they not want to be the first big city paper with a feisty old feline reporter?
Also, fourth graders are smart.
Nah, Topsy, kitchenmage isn’t a horse. She’s just “cheeky and charming” like you! Thbbbt!
December 4th, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Your cat cracked me up, but I’m with him - bill ‘em! Crazy humans should know better.
December 4th, 2006 at 4:00 pm
If the image was online for less than ninety days before this infringement took place, you can register the copyright formally and go after the paper for statutory damages for MUCH more money.
(I hope hedgehogs are welcome here. It’s true that we eat cat food when we can get it, but we don’t eat much.)
December 4th, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Hilarious - I love the letters, and am on the edge of my seat to see what happens next. Go get ‘em!
December 5th, 2006 at 9:56 pm
Nooo! Angry Cat, you’d better get lots of catnip and treats out of this!
December 7th, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Sometimes crazy humans bring me crumply paper, but indeed they really should know better!
EEEEK! It’s a hedgehog! Prickly! Good thinking on that copyright thing, o wise hedgehoggy one. (Don’t tell but I eat dog food sometimes when the furball’s not looking.)
Oh, I have more letters up my sleeve. Wait. I don’t have sleeves. Oh, you get the idea. I’m holding out for a four-tiered, carpet covered perch. With overhead walkway to the kitchen counter.
April 30th, 2007 at 11:51 am
OMG! I can understand why sweet loving cat is soo angry. Hope you resolved the issue. Those newspaper ladrones no tienen verguenza!!!