(Now we are three!)

At the waggy tail end of a full day, our pupper celebrates her third birthday with home made doggie biscuits. A pound of chicken liver, an egg, a half cup of corn meal, garlic powder, parsley, and enough flour to make a rollable dough, and here are the happy results:

That’s right. Dogs heart ‘em.

Hey pupper, did you know you’re three years old today? Wait a sec… you did! You even blogged about it over on Dogster!

Uhoh! Now I’ve done it. I’ve given away her secret identity.

There, there. Good pupper.

We’re off to the big city for three days to play with other puppies, so everyone be good to each other while we’re gone and remember: messy cooks spill the best treats, so what ever you do, don’t clean up as you go!

(More Weekend Dog Blogging over at Sweetnicks!)

Shhh. I may look like I’m just lazing about in the garden with the daffodils, but actually, I’m on duty. Mommy’s not feeling well so I’m guarding the blog until she returns. (Feline enemies, beware! I know your hiding places. Well, most of them, anyway.)

On the plus side, Platelicker clearly understands that stepping onto a frozen pond to retrieve a ball is a Very Bad Thing.

(Check out Sweetnicks for more Weekend Dog Blogging! Posts about food will continue when I remember where I buried the kitchen counter…)

Kitty Kaga: (positively dripping with disdain) Oh. So you’re back.

Platelicker: (bursting, as usual) Oooh! Kitty!

Kitty Kaga: I would have wished you gone forever, but there’s work to be done here, and I cannot do it alone. I suppose my captors completed the judging for Paper Chef?

Platelicker: Must! Chase! Kitty!

Kitty Kaga: Ahem. They were in Seattle almost a whole week, you know. They could have posted, or at least completed their judging notes.

Platelicker: Seattle has many dogs. Wheeee!

Kitty Kaga: Right. So, about the judging…

Platelicker: And yummy food and big hills and…

Kitty Kaga: They weren’t able to finish, were they?

Platelicker: If I tell you, can I chase you?

Kitty Kaga: If you tell me, after I am done eating, I shall let you lick up the scraps of food that fall from my dish to the floor.

Platelicker: Wheee! Free food! Okay, okay, so they didn’t finish, and they couldn’t post and — you’ll probably hear about that later cuz it all has to do with stuff like bowling and dancing, and meeting other food bloggers, and strange, yummy food they wouldn’t let me eat — and, well, they tried to think it all through, but they just got pooped, and then there was this whole planning for the future thing, and visiting relatives, and knee injuries and…

Kitty Kaga: Planning for the future thing?

Platelicker: You’ll hear about that later too. It has to do with words and jobs and more strange, yummy food they wouldn’t let me eat, and — Hey! Do I get to lick up your food scraps now?

Kitty Kaga: Silly furball. You always lick up the scraps of food that fall from my dish to the floor.

Platelicker: Oh. Right. (a befuddled pause) Oh! Guess what! I’m going to take climbing lessons!

Kitty Kaga: Wonderful. Now, go away.

Platelicker: I’m starting with chair backs and working my way up to counter tops and trees.

Kitty Kaga: (after a heavy sigh) How nice. Say, isn’t that a leftover pig ear out in the garden?

Platelicker: Pig ear!! Wheee!

(exit dog, kitchen left.)

Kitty Kaga: Well then, it appears I must complete my chairmenical duties and announce the winners for this month’s Paper Chef Competition. Oh, shut up. I know chairmenical isn’t a real word. Do I look like I care?

So… on with it.

This was, as can be deduced by the lateness of this post, a most arduous process. I have reason to believe my captors quibbled and quarreled over their decisions for days on end. (When they weren’t off bowling or shopping or planning their futures that is. Silly creatures.)

I have, since their return, obtained their copious notes, reviewed them, and am now prepared to post the official announcement.

Well, there you have it. The results of my captors’ arduous quibbling.

Oh, wait! They appear to have attached an additional note to their abundantly annotated scoring page:

(Meanwhile, Platelicker has returned to the room)

Platelicker: Mommy and Daddy are asleep! I want to play and they’re asleep!

Kitty Kaga: Oh. Back again?

Platelicker: Why are they asleep?

Kitty Kaga: I don’t suppose you know what the phrase “It’s been a long week” means, do you?

Platelicker: Play with me?

Kitty Kaga: Not a chance.

Platelicker: (pouting) They won’t be doing this Paper Chef thing again any time soon, will they?

Kitty Kaga: Not if they can help it. As much as I relish this donning of finery — and don’t you dare raid my wardrobe again! — I do possess great sympathy for their battle with this thorny task, and understand completely if they choose to run screaming from such competitions in the near future.

Platelicker: But, but… next month could be cream and salmon and tuna water and juicy mouse head month!

Kitty Kaga: Cream… Salmon… Juicy mouse head… Ahem. Well. My sympathies can be short-lived if the occasion warrants. You were saying?

Platelicker: Play with me?

Kitty Kaga: (with a flexing of claws) Don’t push your luck.

Ahhh… this black one looks especially good on me!

Mrrrrrrreooooow!! Phhhhhtht!

There. Much better.

Yes, my fine feline friends, Kitty Kaga is back, just in time for Paper Chef #14!

It’s a brand new year, which means time for brand new ingredients and a brand new theme!

Right. The ingredients are new every month. I knew that.

So, without further ado…

Our first three ingredients, chosen at random from the nomination list:

1. Cashews
2. Quinoa
3. Yoghurt

And for our fourth, specially chosen ingredient, in honor of the brand new infant year….

(No, not BABIES, silly!)

Here, have a lookie:

Got it yet?

That’s right. It’s Baby Food!

Er…

Or rather, it’s the baby variety of any older food, be it veggie, fruit, meat, or fish. Baby corn, baby bok choy, baby clams… the possibilities are endless!

Now, if you’re feeling a bit scary adventurous, we’ll also allow any food that’s got the word “baby” in the title! (Though, if you go for either of those last two in our photo set? You’re weirder than we are, got it? Weird.)

So… go healthy, go vegetarian if you like, go for simple elegance, and express the spirit of a brand new year’s renewal with your brand spankin’ new burblin’ baby ingredients!

Oh, and don’t forget to play!

Now, here, freely lifted from Tomatilla, are excerpts from Owen’s Paper Chef event guidelines:

And now for our nitty gritty details:

Entries are due midday (PST) on Monday, January 9th. We’re pretty lax around here, so any time before mid-Monday evening will probably do, and even after that we’ll be forgiving, if, say, you managed to torch your kitchen while inventing Baked Baby Yukon Gold Alaska.

Send your entries to mrs_d AT belly-timber DOT com, and include your name, blog name, location, and a permalink to your entry. You can also post your entry information here on this comments thread. Also, I’d like to encourage everyone to add a “Paper Chef” technorati tag to the end of their post, thusly –

Tagged with: <a href=”http://technorati.com/tag/Paper Chef” rel=”tag”>Paper Chef</a>

– so it gives everyone an extra place to search for entries before we post the round-up.

Have fun, and once again, Kitty Kaga sez:

Allez Cuisine!

And then Weekend Dog Blogging came along with this week’s theme of featuring dog pics with food, and, well, anchovies are a bit small for the dog but I’m still feeling the need to create art, and… wait a minute…

Bacon!

Lots more bacon-mobile pics over on Flickr. No puppies were taunted too horribly during this photoshoot. Oh, and we shared the bacon with her when we were done. :-)

(Check out Sweetnicks for more Weekend Dog Blogging!)

What’s this about The Cat taking over the blog?

Aw, never mind that… Snooooooooow!

(Check out Sweetnicks for more Weekend Dog Blogging!)

Saturday:

1. Note to self: When traveling to Seattle with a dog, one should bring an extra coat, and not leave it in the back seat of the car where the dog can puke on it. Such things can lead to Seattle in November in a T-shirt, which is not terribly pleasant and not at all conducive to much hoofing about.

2. Loft apartments above Uwajimaya? I tell ya, we would never leave home.

3. Big John’s PFI: A cheese counter with many goat and sheep cheeses. And there was much rejoicing.

4. Pike Place Market? How many blocks of walking? In a T-shirt? Curse you, pukey puppy!

5. Damn. Ran out of time for the rest of the list. Next trip…

Sunday:

1. Note to self: When one goes out of town, one ought to get more sleep.

2. An equation:
      Ferry engine trouble
    + Fog bank
    = Chopper arriving at home five minutes before he has to leave for work.

3. Note to self: When one has not gotten enough sleep on trip out of town, one should really not be talked into attending a 9:30pm showing of Goblet of Fire (Even if one is hopelessly devoted to the big screen appearances of Alan Rickman).

Monday:

1. Strange but true: purple mashed potatoes turn blue in the fridge overnight and then turn purple again when reheated in the microwave. See:

2. That, believe it or not, was the most photogenic food we ate all week.

3. Note to self: Ahem. When one has fallen behind in one’s word count for one’s novel because one has taken on another creative project with a deadline… and then one wants to catch up with one’s novel, one is not particularly inclined to write food blog posts. (Not that this would have anything to do with me. No sir.)

Tuesday:

1. Chopper’s cornbread chestnut stuffing is most excellent but not terribly photogenic.

2. Chopper’s persimmon chutney is even more excellent and even less photogenic.

3. Someday soon when Chopper has time again, he will post recipes for the above mentioned highly unphotogenic foods. Mrs. D will resist posting hideous pictures.

Wednesday:

1. Chopper spends a full day at work baking pies and pumpkin cheesecake. Mrs. D weeps uncontrollably at the pumpkin cheesecake she cannot eat and attempts to catch up on her word count. The blog glares at her from a distance.

Thursday:

1. Chopper works a 13 hour day serving a special prix-fixe Thanksgiving Dinner to over eighty hungry patrons.

2. Mrs. D has dinner with friends and is thankful. Look ma! No dishes!

Friday:

1. Chopper wows patrons and staff alike by being king of the kitchen for the night when the executive chef heads home with the flu. Mrs. D visits Chopper’s work and is offered a slice of pumpkin cheesecake while she waits. She weeps uncontrollably.

2. Note to self: When one mucks around with another creative project and falls behind in one’s blogging, one contemplates possible reasons for the falling behind, and considers that perhaps one’s blog needs mucking with as well. (Much creative note-taking ensues.)

Saturday:

1. It is cat blogging weekend. The Cat will not be participating. She is in the doghouse, as it were, for certain behaviors that are best kept restricted to flowerbeds and boxes of kitty litter.

2. It is, however, not Chopper’s weekend. Chopper is working yet another ten hour day at the restaurant. At home, much cooking from cans ensues.

Sunday:

1. It is dog blogging day. It is also a special day in the life of the puppy. Though she may not act it, being prone to much wagging and jumping, she has turned a terrible two. Here, a day late, are then and now pictures of the pooch:

2. Once again, Chopper works a full day at the restaurant. At home, all notions of cooking go out the window when Chopper returns mid-evening with take-out.

Monday:

1. At long last, Chopper has a partial day off. Mrs. D considers posting to the blog, but her novel draft snarls at her and makes threatening gestures. Chopper considers cooking, does so, but curiously refrains from anything that would involve photographs or transcribed recipes.

2. Note to self: When one has just a few words left to complete one’s monthly assignment, one should simply buckle down and do it.

3.

50,848 / 50,000 (101.7%)

(This Nanowrimo word meter brought to you by copious amounts of Ghirardelli’s bittersweet chocolate, cheap port, nag champa incense, and the soundtrack to Gladiator played repeatedly at full volume on Mrs. D’s cheap headphones.)

1) Stare out the windows at the rain and think wistful thoughts about summer and puppy excursions to the beach.

2) Promise the puppy a walk. Soon. When it stops raining.

3) Take a nice big yellow onion (the one you’ve been saving for spaghetti sauce) and slice it into rings.

4) Mix up some batter:

       2 cups of AP flour or tempura batter mix
       2 cups of beer. (Damn, now you’ve broken the symmetry of the six pack. Guess it’s time to drink the rest.)
       2 Tbl lemon pepper
       1 1/2 tsp sea salt

5) Heat up a wok full of vegetable oil to about 350 to 375 F and have a wire rack on a cookie sheet and a warm oven standing by.

6) Pour some flour into a bowl.

7) Dredge a ring of onion in the flour, shake off the excess, then dunk it in batter. Drop the battered ring into the hot oil and let it fry up nice and golden. Remove and place on the wire rack. Repeat until you’ve got a good assemblage of rings, then stick them in the oven to keep them warm till you’re done with the frying and ready to chow.

8) Serve with ketchup or barbecue sauce or whatever other condiments you have in your fridge, and — of course — with any left over beer.

9) Turn on the TV and watch the Seahawks stomp the Rams.

10) Notice the fading daylight and make it up to the puppy by playing chase around the living room furniture. Be sure you’ve consumed all the onion rings and all of the beer so that nothing is wasted, even though the puppy would really like her share.