Paper Chef #7: The Lamentable Dairy Edition
Day 6202.
Dear Diary, Platelicker still torments me at every turn. I’ve taken to climbing the wisteria to the upstairs balcony and hiding for long hours at a time just to keep her annoying, wet nose far far from my person.
And now, insult added to injury: My captors spent yesterday evening concocting a dish using buttermilk and eggs and heavy cream, and (despite my yammerish demands) they have not shared a single drop of it with me!
It began thusly: Friday morning, they read the ingredient list for this month’s Paper Chef on Tomatilla. I should note that I also read the ingredient list at this time, as I was curled up in front of my female captor’s computer, attempting to tip the tea mug over in hopes that she would buy a more ergonomic keyboard. (I could curl my body around the old one; this one is just so… flat.)
The ingredient list:
Medjool Dates (eh, too gooey for my aging teeth)
Eggs (do they not realize how sleek and silky my coat looks after I’ve eaten a raw egg? Where, I ask you, where are my raw eggs? Don’t just feed them to me when you run out of cat food!)
Honey (I’ll skip this one. Too reminiscent of that time I licked my female captor’s arm after she applied Ben Gay to a sports injury.)
And, lastly,
Buttermilk. (BUTTERMILK! A delectable blend of butter and milk. The best of all possible worlds. Oh, my scrumptious liquid of joy… feed me, feed me… WHAT? I don’t get ANY of the BUTTERMILK???)
Yes, sad to say, I did not get any of the buttermilk. Nor the eggs, nor the heavy cream, nor the white chocolate (which I am certain I would love if they’d just give me a chance), nor even a nip of the rum.
The rum, I should add, that prompted many murderous thoughts in my feline brain:
Redrum… Redrum….REDRUM!
But, I digress.
I’d hoped for a tasting opportunity when my male captor devoted himself to creating something that resembled a rather delicate and less noxious cow pie out of chocolate meringue, and my female captor left the confines of the house to pick salmonberries for the dessert’s garnish, but no. The parfait itself was snugly poured into a soup can and safely ensconced in the freezer (hah — in their desperation, my captors could not find a proper dessert mold and so this — their culinary pride and joy — will have telltale ridges! If given the chance I would scrawl “Friskees” on it with a fore-claw).
The kitchen counters were now bare. I could not even scour the floor for remnants of the process. Platelicker lurked at every turn. All I could do was wait.
Minutes ticked by. Then an hour. At long last, my male captor removed the parfait from the can, and the two of them proceeded to ruin the monument of creamy goodness with silly garnishes of rum-soaked dates and salmonberries. I should note my one small victory: I managed to distract them long enough to forget the additional garnish of dark chocolate curls. Hah-HAH!
Still, it looked quite impressive. I thought: This means something.
It means tasty goodness. It means a delectable blend of sweet date, tart berry, and cream, cream, luxurious cream, but what it did not mean was this: food for The Cat.
No, agony and woe, my male captor devoured the dish in three minutes flat.
And Platelicker got to lick the plate.
I will, some day, exact my revenge. Just you wait. Next time they pull out the heavy cream and the buttermilk, I tell you this now in all secrecy: It’s hairball time.
Date and Salmonberry Parfait
To prepare dates:
Take 6 whole medjool dates and cut into 1/2 inch slices. Place in hot sauté pan and immediately add 4 oz of rum. (if you don’t have a gas range use a match to light the rum on fire to burn off the alcohol.)
For meringue:
Take 4 egg whites and 3 oz sugar.
Whip until egg whites are thickened and foamy.
Add 3 more oz of sugar and a teaspoon cocoa powder, and whip until combined.
Pour onto parchment lined sheet pan. Bake at 350 for 15 min or until meringues are stiff
For parfait:
Take four egg yolks and 1/2 cup sugar and whip over a double boiler until foamy and color changes to a light yellow. Quickly fold in 2 1/2 oz of melted white chocolate so it doesn’t lose its foamy texture. Add 1 tsp honey and set aside.
Combine 1 1/2 cups heavy cream with 1/2 cup buttermilk and 1/2 cup sugar. Whip to stiff peaks.
Fold egg yolk mixture into cream and buttermilk mixture and fill mold halfway. Add a layer of rum-cooked dates, then continue filling mold with parfait mixture.
Place in freezer for at least one hour or until stiff.
To finish:
Remove from mold and place parfait on top of a disc of cocoa meringue. Garnish with more dates, dark chocolate curls, and salmonberries.
June 6th, 2005 at 2:18 pm
when i first read this, i thought it was dates, salmon, AND berries - LOL!
good job.
*meow*
June 6th, 2005 at 6:09 pm
Beautiful dessert Sarah.
June 7th, 2005 at 2:22 am
Bravo, Mrs. D and Chopper Dave! Poor boo-boo kitty…Plate Licker better watch out.
June 7th, 2005 at 9:01 am
Oh very nice! The berries and the dates combine so well!
June 7th, 2005 at 11:17 am
Another stunning entry - it doesn’t seem right that at least 3 out of the four of you are all so good at writing up fantastic food entries in your blog!
I am disappointed in cat, though, our cat would have obtained some - even if it took knocking over something important to distract us and then pushing the dish itself onto the floor and then scaring off Platelicker. (Our cat has our Platelicker equivalent - a 75 pound husky-lab hybrid - completely cowed - although food is the one area where conflict could and would still arise. We don’t have a Platelicker so much as a ‘Nip-In-Behind-Your-Back-And-Steal-The-Leg-Of-Lamb-Off-The-Tabler”
June 7th, 2005 at 11:31 am
Sarah — I think The Cat had a serious case of wishful thinking going on. She mistakenly separated the words “salmon” and “berry” in hopes that some actual salmon would miraculously appear in our kitchen. I have since corrected this error in the post’s text, as salmonberry is indeed one word!
Thanks, Ana, Moira, Chronicler! (Though The Cat would like to point out that the neighbor kitty, not her, is Queen Sarah, and is an evil usurper of garden benches.)
Owen, I would be disappointed in The Cat as well, but she is seventeen-years-old, and the fact that she can still climb up wisteria vines is enough of a feat that I can forgive her lack of food aggression. I should note though, that The Cat failed to mention that I too was unable to eat the dessert (due to its dairy content), and I am disappointed in her for that oversight.
June 7th, 2005 at 2:20 pm
I empathize with poor kitty — and you too, Mrs. D! How cruel not to get a taste of this lovely concoction. I especially love the idea of dates macerated in rum — that must really heighten the caramel notes of their flavor. Now you’ve made me wish that I could somehow, somewhere taste a salmonberry, as well as the rest of this scrumptious dessert.
June 9th, 2005 at 7:34 am
Hi Mrs T - such a gorgeous dessert… I’d have trouble breaking it! Your (poor) kitty looks adorable, I’ve got one too and I can’t imagine living without them…
June 11th, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Mrs. D, Wonderfully creative post. Looks delicious too!
I will continue to read your posts hoping some of that crativity will rub off on me.
June 16th, 2005 at 8:07 pm
Thanks Julie, Keiko, & Chefdoc!
Boy, it’s been a super busy week and a half here — I haven’t even had a chance to look at all the other entries… Life will slow down soon, I hope. Meantime, yes, rum-soaked dates are scrumptious!